To quote the late and great Hector Camacho: &quot;Bring &#039;em [i]on![/i] Bring &#039;em [i]ON![/i]!&quot; <br /><br />http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jKRl-QwE7oE#t=0m50s<br /><br />Hey, fellas. As a FREE AGENT this season, I figured it would be nice to type up a thread where the free agents get the chance to pound their chests while pretending someone hundreds of miles away gives a shit. Because we&#039;re in a sweaty and narcissistic rat race for that [i]right[/i] team to win with, we&#039;re gonna have to masturbate and prostitute ourselves on stage in front of everyone. That&#039;s life.<br /><br />If you&#039;re a captain, feel free to post, too. Talk about what you&#039;re looking for and how you plan on running your team. Talk about the phone calls you&#039;ll make, the budget you&#039;ll crunch, the under-the-table deals, the family obligations you&#039;ll have to cut, and your viral, hyper-expensive marketing campaign.<br /><br /><br />So, yeah. Lemme get the ball rolling here...<br /><br />[b]Who the fuck . . . [/b]<br />My name is Nautilus. People know me as a gentle, loving soul with a caring family big on Christian values. I started playing back in &#039;04, so one could call me a &quot;vet.&quot; You heard it, folks: I&#039;m a veteran of sitting on my ass and tapping keys. <br /><br />[b]Do what now?[/b]<br />As a versatile player, I&#039;m comfortable with playing any role, but I mainly play offense because I like the rush of gliding across a map and snatching a motherfucker&#039;s flag, while, of course, racking up a bunch of unfair frags on the way back. Plus, I&#039;m sick with the SR50 (refer to the VGR vs. PAK match from Season III).<br /><br />My fortes are dodgin&#039;, fakin&#039;, dashin&#039;, and predictin&#039;: I&#039;m mad good at cutting corners and finding out people&#039;s patterns and shit, blasting them from behind with that unsuspected buckshot. But, my aim&#039;s sometimes a tad sloppy because I&#039;m a space cadet, and I largely blame it for my being underrated. <br /><br />[b]Self-affirmation[/b]<br />But, if you ask some people who [i]are[/i] in the know... I&#039;m [i]really[/i] goddamned destructive (especially on Odamex) when I wanna be, but I&#039;m probably one of the most single inconsistent players because I sometimes either drink too much or can&#039;t give enough of a shit. One day I can just take on anyone; the next day, though, I&#039;ll play like an 8-year-old learning Connect 4 just because I&#039;ll do such a good job of half-assing the match. This time, however, I&#039;m gonna bring [i]at least[/i] 125%, fellas, now that I got some free time... Better BELIEVE it ([i][b]if you&#039;ve dueled me on Odamex before, you probably have already pissed yourself by the end of this post[/b][/i]).<br /><br />[b]The Call-Out[/b]<br /><br />Watch out, bitches.... I&#039;ve been tearing up Odamex like an underage hymen. That&#039;s why I&#039;m [b]back[/b], baby. <br /><br /> 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) :(<br /><br /><br /><br />P.S. You got any doubts? Huh? YOU GOT SOME DOUBTS? Yeah. That&#039;s what I thought. Meet you in NJ Funcrusher... Heh...<br /> 